JxV: Reminding Me
by DonnaJossee
Summary: (Contains Spoiler from "Wicked Series" stories) After Vitani's murdered, Jason can't help the amount of heavy regret he feels for not doing enough to protect her, and tries to cope with her being gone the best he can. ONESHOT.


**A/N: Hey guys:) Sorry this isn't a JokerxHarley one shot like usual but I've had a few people on Tumblr and here ask about a JasonxVitani one shot because they miss them together. Kinda weird because I'm not used to getting people asking me about them but it was kinda nice to write them together again. Obviously JxH are my day one favs, but Jason and Vitani are still very close to my heart. So, for the people who keep asking me about Jason and Hady, here you go.**

 ** _Reminding Me_**

 _She keeps reminding me  
_ _that your're still gone  
_ _and I'm still lonely_

 _She keeps reminding me  
_ _how good it was  
_ _when we were crazy in love_

"I killed her." I say aloud and Bruce looks at me. "Don't fucking look at me like that. You know good and damn well she's dead. You know how she died. And you know she wouldn't have if I wouldn't have run her off." I take another drink of my beer.

He steps to me slowly, letting silence fall over us a moment.

"Jason," he sighs. "You did what you needed to do. It was safer for the both of you to go your separate ways."

"It wasn't safer for her to go back to the same crazy bastard that had her killed." I laugh bitterly. "It didn't make me any safer with her being gone. I was just selfish and didn't care what the hell happened. But I care now. And guess what? It's too fucking late to care now because she's dead. She's fucking gone and that clown is running around bragging about it while the girl I love is 6 foot under somewhere with her head busted open from bullets. Don't fucking tell me it's not my fault. If I wouldn't have been that way, selfish, she would've stayed with me in Miami and she would be breathing still."

"And you would still hate her guts." He raises a brow. "You thought you hated her until she was gone. Maybe that's what you needed to let yourself know you still cared. That you're still capable of feeling." He suggests.

"What the fuck kind of tumblr-quote bullshit is that? Huh? That your fucking dad-talk?" I twist my face.

"Jason—"

"—I lost the woman I loved. And hated. We have— _had_ , a very complicated relationship. It was always make or break each other. Depending on what day it was." I finish my beer, throwing the bottle.

"You're upset. You need to stop drinking and go home. Get some rest." He says next when I reach for another beer from the fridge.

"I'm fine." I snap at him.

"Jason—"

"—I said I'm okay!" I bust the bottle and beer and glass hit the floor sloppily.

I feel tears of anger cloud my vision and I rest my hands on the counter and keep my head down.

I'd been ignoring my emotions about this for a while, convincing myself she brought it on herself. She fucked with the wrong people and got murdered for it. Like I warned her would happen if she kept pushing and pushing. If she kept living like the rules of the underworld didn't apply to her. Like any rules didn't apply to her. All because she was pretty and knew the right people.

I have to keep myself together as I feel a sob rock through me.

I can't let him see me cry. I can't let him know I'm this bothered.

Bruce was still technically my adoptive father, but I didn't want him to see me have a break down because of a hussy.

"Jason," I feel his hand grasp my shoulder firmly.

"I should've told her to stay." I speak finally, tears causing my voice to croak out. "I practically gave her to them." I shake my head. "I was supposed to protect her and keep her away from them. I was supposed to be with her. I–I mean you go through so much shit with someone, including death, and you just think that person is going to always be yours. Until they leave you." I shake my head.

"Jason," Bruce looks at me sharply. "It is not your fault." He tells me. "Her death is not your fault. You can miss her, it's okay. But do not blame her death on yourself."

"Did you blame yourself when I died?" I ask him sharply and he looks at me, defeated.

"It was my fault. I could've prevented it from happening and I didn't." He explains with a sigh.

"I could've prevented Hadlynn from dying. And I didn't." I reply, making my point.

I down the second beer, mutter "good night", and leave him alone in the kitchen.

{ ** _Flashback - 4 Years Ago_** }

 _"You need to get some slee—" Hadlynn cuts me off, planting a sloppy kiss on my lips._

 _"Ssshhh," she whispers against my lips. "I don't need sleep." She shakes her head._

 _"I could disagree." I raise a brow, smelling the strong liquor on her breath._

 _"You can disagree all you want to but guess what? I ain't listening." She scoffs._

 _"I strictly told you not to get drunk tonight. This is Bruce's birthday party. I didn't need my drunk girlfriend stumbling around and causing a scene for the press to dig their teeth into and say I'm a 'scandalous' kid for allowing it."_

 _"They already know who I am." She kicks off her heels._

 _"Hadlynn," I rub my forehead and she plops back on the bed. "You're missing the point. I don't even know why I'm trying to reason with you when you're wasted." I wonder aloud. "Which, can't really reason with you when you're sober either, so . . . "_

 _"Oh, shut up." She sits back up, struggling to get her ball gown off. "Get me out this thing." She slurs and I give her a "really?" look. "Please?" She asks next and I step to her._

 _When she's out of the dress and only in her panties, she pulls the covers back and crawls under them._

 _"I didn't say you could sleep in here." I say, just to aggravate her and she looks at me._

 _"Who said we were sleeping?" She asks and I roll my jaw, stepping out of my shoes, taking my tie off._

 _"I'm sleeping. You do what you want. I've had a long night." I shed my suit jacket and start unbuttoning my shirt._

 _I change into a pair of sweats and get in the bed beside her, turning away from her._

 _I feel her hand on my back before it slides over my side and wraps around me._

 _Her forehead rests against my back and she takes a deep breath, snuggling into me._

 _Taking deep breaths, I sigh and turn to face her, my fingers brushing against her face gently. It startled how innocent and sweet she could be, but yet she was associated with some of the most evil people of Gotham. I can't help the anger that fills me at the thought of her and Johnny probably laying this same exact way when she decides to go back to him after she's bored with me._

 _"I can't sleep when you're staring at me." She says and I feel my chest tighten._

 _"I can't sleep, period." I huff out and she looks up at me._

 _"Why?" She asks and I shake my head._

 _"It'll start an argument." I explain to her and she sits up, pulling the sheets up over her chest._

 _"I love you." She tells me softly. "You know I love you."_

 _I know she loves me, she's just not in love with me._

 _"Sometimes I'm not sure." I admit and she licks her lips, nodding her head in understanding._

 _"Well, sometimes it doesn't matter what you think. It just matters what I think, and I know I love you. Just like sometimes it doesn't matter what I think, it just matters what you think." She tells me quietly._

 _"I think I'm very easily manipulated. And naive." I reply in the same tone. "I think I'm doing every thing Bruce wanted me to avoid doing. And you're doing every thing Joker wanted you to avoid doing."_

 _"I think it doesn't matter what the hell we do. They aren't us, Jason. They can't control us."_

 _"Well, maybe they're right. Bruce is trying to protect me. Joker's trying to keep you from switching sides on him. They have their reason for not wanting us together and they're both responsible for us. So maybe we should just listen to them."_

 _"What the hell, Jason? Are you breaking up with me?"_

 _"We aren't even together, Hadlynn. We're more like fuck buddies if anything. Not gonna affect very much if we stop." I run my hands through my hair._

 _"Jason," She sits up on her knees. "Listen to me." She cups my face in her hands, making me look her in the eyes. "I love you. And I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend. And I need you. I'd be completely gone in the head without you. You are the only reason I'm still sane." She tells me shakily. "If you leave me, and we stop this altogether, I'm gonna be stuck in that god damned hell whole with no one to be there for me except the crazy lunatics I come here to escape from." She shakes her head._

 _She has a point. I wish she didn't but she does and I feel my throat tighten._

 _I feel her warm breath on my lips before her lips press to mine._

 _I need to pull away from her. To tell her to get the hell out and forget everything about her. But I can't. Because I'm weak. Because I am naive and completely at her mercy. When I shouldn't be. When I should be shoving her off of me and telling her to fuck off. But instead, I pull her closer, deepening the kiss, letting the sheet that covered her bare chest fall, and my cares and worries diminish for a few minutes._

{ **Present** }

 **The Next Night**

The girl sighs happily, and I roll off of her, catching my breath before I roll over to my nightstand and take several gulps of the crown on my nightstand to try to ease the uneasy feeling in me.

This is how I spent most of my nights, now. Go out to a bar, find half way descent looking girls, bring them back to my apartment, roll around in the sheets with them for hours and hours while chugging alcohol, and then wake up in the middle of the night to leave for patrol and by the time I get back in the mornings, they're gone.

It wasn't very smart but it's how I coped. I always seemed to find similarities in the women when I compare them to Hadlynn. Whether it's hair color or face shape or even their attitude.

My entire family knows this is what I do to cope. They all hate it immensely, but they also know it's either this or go kill The Joker. And of course Bruce won't let me do that. So this it is.

I sit up, taking the condom off before tossing it in the garbage can by my nightstand.

She looks up at me, a smile splayed on her lips.

"What?" I ask her, smirking a little.

"That was good." She praises me. "Like, really good."

"Glad you enjoyed it." I reply casually. "Now," I look at the clock to see it's midnight. "Get some sleep, okay?" I stand to go the bathroom and get dressed and by the time I"m out, she's passed out.

I grab my jacket, helmet, and keys, and head out.


End file.
